HOME

Just a couple more days and I WILL BE HOME!!!! I am so excited for a break and some time to gather my thoughts away from things!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Realized my problem with Cosette

So in the Musical Les Mis Cosette is supposed to be the big heroine. She has a miserable childhood and get rescued. She goes on to get the love of her life and have a wonderful life. I love Cosette the child but in Act 2 all I want to do is get rid of Cosette. Here she is sweeping in and Marius is in love with her. They are meant to be destined in the sky. Now guy's are always claiming that girls problem is they want to be swept off their feet. But come on, it is totally the guys who claim to be in love when they talked with a girl for what 2.5 seconds. I have never claimed to be in love with a guy after such a short time. Interested yes! but believing I could marry a guy...NO WAY!!! Marius has Eponine and never recognizes just what a catch she really is. She dies in his arm while he is saying that he loves her all the while never being in love with her. Eponine is strong and courageous. She doesn't hide out and pretend the revolution isn't happening. She helps it!!! She works hard to change the world and help the cause. Marius depends on her for everything but in the end takes her for granted. What did Cosette do that was so great? What did she do to prove she was worthy of Marius' love? Marius is shallow just like all the other boy's in my life. They want whatever they think is the prettiest and the best. Who cares about the girl who has seen you through everything he helps you and supports you and gives you everything you want. If your lucky you get shot and die before the wedding. In that way I am jealous of Eponine. Wow, this came out really bitter but I don't mean it that bitter.

Too Much Clutter

Lately I cannot think through and figure anything else. I feel as if I am walking through a haze and cannot see anything clearly. What do I do when this happens? I write. I write mainly in my journal and poems and suddenly the world makes sense and I can breathe again. I have tried to write in my journal everyday for the past week and half and as soon as I get started something interrupts so this has lead me to have a major headache everyday. I just need to get all the thoughts and feelings that are bouncing around my head out. So tonight is the night...HOPEFULLY!!!!!

"The Holiday" Quote of My Life

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay [bowls of ice cream] you drink [eat] with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

My State of Mind

Say your sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to.
As I pace back and forth
All this time cause
I honestly believed in you.
Holdin' on
The days drag on
Stupid girl I should have known, I should have known.

That I'm not a princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now it's to late for you and your white horse to come around.

Maybe I was naÎve, got lost in your eyes,
and never really had a chance.
my mistake, I didn't know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings, well now I know...

Ready for a change

I am ready to change!!! I am ready to change myself and my patterns. I am tired of doing the same thing over and over again. I am tired of falling for the same guys. I am tired!! I am ready to just drop out of the games for awhile and not care about anything or anyone. I QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!