Have I peaked ALREADY

So on friday I went and visited my old school. It was one of the best afternoons in awhile. To go and see those old kids and it made me start to think. HAVE I PEAKED ALREADY?? I mean last year was AWESOME!!! The kids were the best and they still love me. They would visit me all the time I know what was going on in their life and they genuinely wanted to be around me ALL THE TIME. I go to my old school and they surround me and follow me around. All the teachers are giving me hugs the kids are talking about how much they hate all their current history teachers and they wish I was still teaching them. I have them asking for my email address and wanting me to come again. I have some of them say the only way they would do the school play is if I am directing it. On and On and On....And I felt LOVED AND SUCCESSFUL. Those kids are still my favorite and we have a special bond. So is every year bound to fail in comparison. I still love teaching but if I could go back to that school or the high school it feeds I would in a heart beat just to be around that awesome group of kids. I love them with all my heart and miss them. My current kids aren't half as cool....so I repeat is every year going to be second rate compared to last year have I had my best year of teaching so early in my career? Answers are yet to be found!

Hopeful but sad

I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry
Trying not to ask why
Cause love is a mystery
Mr. curiosity
Be Mr. please
Do come and find me

Love is blinding when the timing's never right
Oh who am I to beg for difference
Finding love in just an instant
Well I don't mind, at least I've tried
And I tried, I tried...



This is how I feel right now. Thanks Jason Mraz

My students are WONDERFUL!!!

So I thought that over the weekend my students would go back to being normal. You know lame excuses for why they don't have homework, not wanting to do work, and talking all the time. And it is true that is the facts of every day life except I continue to have more and more students be impressive. I had two kids say they did more research on September 11 over the weekend!!!! One watched a two hour documentary and was telling me all about. Some of the kids brought in newspapers with September 11 things in it. Others printed off articles from the internet. WOW!!!! I have never had a response like this. Even from my "smart" honors class. I think that everyone is underestimating this kids. They are my inspiration because they are fighting against a society and a faculty that deems them as dumb and unmotivated but they are SMART and they DO CARE and that is enough to win my admiration. I will stand with them and fight against the negative ideas because they are a force to be reckoned with. I have included the really good speech by President Bush because it was one of my student's favorite videos.

This Week I am a Success!!!!!

So, when I first started at my new school there was a lot of negativity. In my school you have two very different populations. One half of the school is bussed from all over the district for the ALPS program which is basically the Gifted and Talented program. So you teach ALPS kids or you teach Boundary kids. Well I have the Boundary kids and when people would hear this they would be like. I am so sorry those kids are so bad and they are so slow. They don't care about school and I just wouldn't even bother with homework because they will never do it and that is going to be so so hard. I wanted to scream OF COURSE THEY ARE HARD WHEN YOU HAVE THAT ATTITUDE. But I kept it to myself and I have pushed the Boundary kids and you know what they have achieved everything I have pushed them to do because I believe in them. Then this week they even went above my high expectations for them. It was the anniversary of September 11 and so I took the day out to remember it and talk about it. On friday I had about 20 "dumb" boundary kids come up to me and say they were so interested they went to the library and researched September 11 and they watched videos online and they gave me lists of videos I should check out. I was so proud. They did it all on their own and that is more impressive than a bunch of kids who do their homework assignments because it shows that they can be self-motivated and I was part of that. So this week I was a success!!!!!!!!! (Next week might be a different story)

The true eternal optimist

I am a true optimism. Over and over again I get rejected, my heart gets stomped on, and my insecurities are used against me. But I tried again to open myself up to be vulnerable and to put myself out on a line. I went against my nature to do it. Every time I open myself up I am going against what my natural instincts of preservation tells me to do. It tells me to stay put don't open up again because every time you do you end up getting hurt and crushed. Then I think about how necessary it is to open. I want love more than anything and I cannot get it without risking getting hurt and I always decide the risk is worth it. Every time I am about to open up I also foolishly think that this time it will be different. This time I won't get hurt this time I won't get rejected. I deserve good things and good things will happen. I am the eternal optimism who believes that if I try and if I live right good things will happen. And they will but doesn't mean I will find someone who will love me for me. So it has happened again. I put my heart out their I tried and pushed my natural instincts and in the end I got pain like always. So maybe I am not the optimist, maybe I am insane because afterall Einstien said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Maybe it is time to change what I do and stop hoping that this time will be different, stop putting myself out there and just stick with my students, because at least I know how to win the majority of them over and by the end of the year most of them will love me back. That sounds like a wise investment.

Music says it all

I have and will continue to post a lot of music lyrics because sometimes songs say everything I am thinking and feeling a lot better than I can. And also I just want to share the lyrics that mean a lot to me. Just in case you were wondering

Piece of Your Heart

I know you’re trying to make me happy,
And I know you’re doing it you’re way, way.
And I don’t always make it easy
To know the perfect words to say, say.

If you wanna give me what I want,
Listen, ‘cause I’m gonna tell you what I need so bad.
If you wanna give me what I crave,
Hold me so I can feel your love.

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,
I want a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,
Give me a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

Woah, woah, woah, woah,
Ah, oh
Woah, woah, woah

You’re always trying to solve the puzzle,
And you always wanna fix what’s broke, broke.
You keep searching through the rubble,
And never wanna let it go, go.

Sometimes it feels like I’m raining on the inside,
And all the things that I’m trying I don’t get it right.
Yeah, sometimes, I fall but I get up,
And it takes a while but I get there in my own time.

If you wanna give me what I want,
Listen, ‘cause I’m gonna tell you what I need so bad.
If you wanna give me what I crave,
Hold me so I can feel your love.

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,
I want a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,
Give me a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

Love is a very wide open door,
You can go through every time you want more.
Why do I feel like the glass is half full,
When I’ve got enough of it to feel, a swimming pool.

Listen, ‘cause I’m gonna tell you what I need so bad.
If you wanna give me what I crave,
Hold me so I can feel your love.

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,
I want a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

When the craziness begins to get to me,
Just need a hand to hold, just be that somebody.
It’s your tenderness that’s gonna make it right,

Give me a piece of your heart, not a piece of your mind.

Progress or Stupidity

I have a friend that is constantly saying things that I do NOT appreciate all the time. One of my huge things is that one I let someone in and I trust them they will use that knowledge to hurt me or throw it in my face. No matter what the situation this friend always ALWAYS (it seems) using the knowledge she knows about me to turn things against me or analyze my behaviors when sometimes they have nothing to do with it. Sometimes we just have different definitions of things. So she is constantly making me NOT want to trust her or talk to her anymore without even realizing it. She is breaking my trust almost once a day. I always move past it but you know what I am getting really sick of it. And when I say that I mean that I am tired of saying it is fine for her to do that and just letting go. I get in trouble for things a lot. On the other hand I am thinking about how much progress I have made. Usually I would discard a friend who did this and cut them out completely but I haven't yet. Which is progress for me or is it stupidity? I guess that is possible.