RollerCoaster

Every time I try to get off it pulls me back and I am proclaiming....NO MORE!!!! Please just let me off. It hurts and it is scary and most of all it doesn't make sense!!!

Fall To Pieces

If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

[Chorus:]
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

School turned a corner

So some of my earlier posts were all about how I wasn't sure about the new school I was at. I was missing my old friends at my other schools and also my students. They loved me and I had so many people who depended on me. I had so many kids who followed me around and always talked to me and who missed me when the semester came and they changed classes. I just felt that students here didn't love me.

Then last week happened. I had kids ask to fail and retake history so they could be with me. I had some students come to my classroom every afternoon and make me laugh. I had kids tell me I was their favorite teachers and others fight to stay in my class. Anyways, all in all I loved it here and feel better now that I know they love me back.

Let Me Fall

Let me rise, let me fall
Let me breathe
I wanna lose control, I'm not afraid to lose it all
Let me break, let me crawl
Cause I will get up again if you let me fall


I have talked yet various people at different times of my life and have always said that it seems to make me stronger when I fall. It seems that when I get broken down that is when the Lord can work with me and show a way that will make me happier and better at the same time. So recently something happened and I keep asking myself... Where is the strength? Where is the lesson to be learned? There has to be some sort of purpose to this or a bigger picture? Usually I find it. This time I just seeming to be falling a little bit more and more at every moment. I guess the only question left for me now is when am I going to stop falling and start rising again? I keep on thinking the bottom has to be sometime soon.

2009

I wanted to say that a New Year brings a chance to start fresh. I have been thinking about that a lot recently. Lately, I have felt like I peaked my first year of teaching. Here I was a first year teacher nominated for awards and coming in second place for student's choice of favorite teacher. I had students who loved me and came and saw me all the time. I just don't feel that I have been able to reach my student's this year in that same way and build the same relationships and it has made me extremely sad. But I know that it doesn't have to stay that way. I can let myself be defeated or I can rise about the situation. I am going to find a way to reach these kids and that is going to start with focusing on getting divine inspiration about each and every one of them.

Also this year I am putting myself first. I am going to do the things that make me feel good about life regardless of everything else. I feel the best about life right after I go running and so I am going to go running more this year. It makes me happy. I also made a lot of other very personal goals and important insights about myself but regardless to say for the first time I am feeling very optimistic for this upcoming year.

In other news, for the first time in oh....five years....I will not be the only person without a couple at my house this new years night. (Granted the other individual's wife is home with the kids and he is playing games.) But the point being I love being with my family and playing games but when midnight rolls around it is a painful truth that I am the odd girl out because everyone in my family (excluding nieces and nephews) are married and so they have a midnight kiss. And just not being the only one here at my house alone makes me feel a lot better.