Words to live by: Orson Scott Card (borrowed from another blog)

A Crime of Heart... Breaking up with her and yet still hanging around, giving her hope that you will get back together when in fact you are merely lonely and using her till you find somebody better.

Tell the truth. Do it kindly, but do it. "I don't see this turning into any kind of long-term relationship, and I'm not going to waste your time or mine, when we ought to be finding someone else."

You might preface it with something decent and polite: "You're attractive and admirable. You're exactly the kind of woman I want to want to marry. But I'm not actually interested in marrying you, for reasons I don't understand and won't try to explain."

After you realize it yourself, the sooner you say it the better. And then get out of her life. Don't hang out with her. Even if you think she's "over you," she's not. There you are, a constant reminder that you didn't want her.

Don't send her little presents. Don't call her up and chat. Don't ask her for favors. Because that's what a guy who's courting a woman would do, and you're not that guy. Stay broken up. Go away.

Things we give up

I think I have already blogged about this before but I am doing it again. I have given up a lot of things in my life. Some of the things I have given up are really great things to give up. Others are things I genuinely miss. It also makes me wonder about the reason I have given up the good things in life.

I have chosen to be a teacher and I love it. There are no regrets with that decision but because of that decision some things naturally feel by the wayside. I knew that I was never going to be a concert pianist or a concert violinist....but does that mean that I should give them up completely. I still love playing the piano although I am easily intimidated because everyone plays the piano so well. I miss the feel of the strings under my fingers. I love pulling the bow across the strings. But I haven't played in forever.

Then there were other things I did that were just for me. Namely poetry....I have ruined my love for poetry again (as you can tell since I have posted some of the poems that I have written). I love the release that poetry brings to me . I love the clarity I get while I am writing. I love the freedom of expression.

Finally, I miss my range. I love singing!!!! And I even took lessons for awhile and I found that I had a much wider range than I ever thought I had before. I loved hitting those high notes and I love the power behind my voice because I had the confidence to sing and sing. I miss that. I have lost my range (which happens when you don't practice) I have lost my skills and I have lost my words. I have given up a lot of things that I didn't have to. I neglected them and I miss them. I want them back.....I NEED THEM BACK!!!!! I know that it is all within my power I just have to practice.

Remember Me

Lord Remember me
I cannot go alone
Each Day I stumble
You pick me up
When lost in darkness
You bring me light
My hope rests in you
Rests in your promises
You remembered Rachel
So Lord remember me


Lord remember me
I cling to my faith
Prophet's promises
and a father's blessing
I trust in the atonement
While I struggle through
the days
I fell lonely
Yet, I know you are with me
You remembered Rachel
Oh, Lord remember me

Storm Rages

The Wind blows
Brutally against the branches
The leaves are swept violently
Up and Down
Endlessly circling
Never Slowing
The Sky darkens
Clouds pour down
Rough streams of water
Inside the house
People look out windows
And see a calm spring afternoon
Only one person sees-
Ventures out
and sits down in the storm
She listens to the
wind, leaves, and rain
But more
She hear what the wind
Doesn't say
Or the leaves
Don't rustle in rememberance
Or the Sadness behind the
Rain
After she hears
She understands
She alone tries to calm
The Elements

Break My Heart

"He is the only one who got enough of me to break my heart."

These words were in a song about two weeks ago and I thought....I need to get those lyrics. Well I did a whole bunch of searches because by the time I got to a computer I could only remember it was a Taylor Swift Song. So then I searched and searched and it was no where to be found. WHAT!!!!! These profound lyrics had just disappeared I couldn't believe it. Where did they go? Well I played her ablum a couple of times searching for it. I finally found it last night....and in the end it is one line.

It is a line that explains me and my fears. I don't let people in because they have a tendency of hurting me once I do. I am scared because I have the possbility of having my heart broken because for the first time in a long time someone (other than Jane and family) have enough of me to break my heart.

Decisions

I have been thinking a lot about decisions. Big decisions and little decisions. Now there is really nothing new in what I am about to say but I just wanted to express some of my thoughts on decisions. I believe we start our life with infinite number of outcomes and slowly with every decision we make you narrow down the outcomes and even the options on what is happening. Now I bet a lot of you are thinking this doesn't need to be said but I am not saying it for you I am saying it for me.

There are big decisions such as going to BYU. And that put me on a path that is completely different if I had stayed at home. I made the decision to be a teacher...which has been an awesome and it has completely put me on a particular path. I remember that in high school people expected great things from me. Not to toot my own horn but I was valedictorian. The principal talked about how I would present a case in front of the Supreme Court....why did she say that? Because whenever I said I wanted to be a teacher people would always say you could do so much more and be such a powerful person. But I didn't let other people's expectations dictate what I was going to do. I stuck by my guns and I went with teaching. I do make a difference everyday. I am there for those kids and they need me. Some of them don't have anyone else. I do more than I could have ever done as a lawyer for these kids.


Then other decisions don't seem so obvious. You see I have made a lot of little decisions on a daily or a weekly level but they have put me on a path and right now I would not imagine my life any other way. I have been blest to have some of the greatest people in the world.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost