The true eternal optimist

I am a true optimism. Over and over again I get rejected, my heart gets stomped on, and my insecurities are used against me. But I tried again to open myself up to be vulnerable and to put myself out on a line. I went against my nature to do it. Every time I open myself up I am going against what my natural instincts of preservation tells me to do. It tells me to stay put don't open up again because every time you do you end up getting hurt and crushed. Then I think about how necessary it is to open. I want love more than anything and I cannot get it without risking getting hurt and I always decide the risk is worth it. Every time I am about to open up I also foolishly think that this time it will be different. This time I won't get hurt this time I won't get rejected. I deserve good things and good things will happen. I am the eternal optimism who believes that if I try and if I live right good things will happen. And they will but doesn't mean I will find someone who will love me for me. So it has happened again. I put my heart out their I tried and pushed my natural instincts and in the end I got pain like always. So maybe I am not the optimist, maybe I am insane because afterall Einstien said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Maybe it is time to change what I do and stop hoping that this time will be different, stop putting myself out there and just stick with my students, because at least I know how to win the majority of them over and by the end of the year most of them will love me back. That sounds like a wise investment.