This invisible line is constantly on my mind. It is such a thin line and so often it is blurred. It also causes me a lot of problems. To me the line is so so clear most of the time. But it often causes a problem for those around me and for other boys that come into my life. They just don't understand the relationship that I have with my best friend. I understand exactly where we stand but others make judgments.
Now, hopefully I can make myself clear and coherent. Sometimes I just wish that the line wouldn't be so hard. It is so confusing for myself and others. Here is my issue. I have people say things about my best friend being my soulmate. I also have everyone think that we are a couple when they see us together. And Finally I have people who say things similar to, "I wish I could find someone like [name of best friend here]," or "You guys have the type of relationship I want." Or "I wish I had what you guys have." Or "I love watching how you guys are together." After awhile you either get confused of sick of it. Then you grow past it... But do you really?
I feel that I have done a really good job understanding exactly where I stand on the issue and with my best friend. I don't want it to be any other way. At the same time I recognize three important factors.
1. It cannot stay this way forever, he will marry and we will grow apart.
2. Why would I need another best friend if I already have one?>
3. We both are going to progress which means our relationship has to change for that reason as well.
Honestly, since I was a kid I wanted to marry the person that I could tell everything too. The one who made me feel beautiful when I was sick. To make me feel like I was wonderful on my worst day. Who when they saw me falling apart would pick up the pieces and tell me how rare it was. I need it to be someone who when I trust them they don't hurt me with their insider knowledge. Who loves me for all my flaws and not inspite of them. In the end I want my best friend. This is the most confusing aspect for me. I want to marry my "best friend" but right now my best friend is not someone I want to marry. I love him more than I could ever express but it just stays right there. There is a part of me that believes that it would be so easy to be with him. Just one small step and we would be there. Just one small kiss and that would be enough. It would be easy, marry him move on with life and I know that we would always get along. But at the same time that is the last thing I want because it isn't enough and it isn't right. He is my best friend and nothing more and that is all I want. People don't believe me when I say that but it is true.
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