Thursday, August 28, 2008

I am a beautiful Mess


A Beautiful Mess
By
Jason Mraz
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man, And lift him back up again You are strong but you're needy, Humble but you're greedy And based on your body language, And shouted cursive I've been reading Your style is quite selective, Though your mind is rather reckless Well I guess it just suggests That this is just what happiness is
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write Kind of turn themselves into knives And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear 'Cause here we are, here we are Although you were biased I love your advice Your comebacks they're quick And probably have to do with your insecurities There's no shame in being crazy, Depending on how you take these Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes Through timeless words, and priceless pictures But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.

I have spent my time driving to and from this school this week thinking a lot. Is it so bad to need people? I used to believe that it was the worst thing you could ever do. When you need people you open yourself up to be hurt and to be vulnerable and to disappointment. It seems to never fail that people always end up letting me down. So I just learn to never need anyone except family. And that is exactly what I did for a long long time. And that led me to be very isolated and alone. It is not fun not trusting people and not having anyone to turn to. So I started to need people. I need to talk to them. I need them to help me. I need them to want to be around me. I need them to want to help. I need them to want me to come to them when I am emotional and not hide it. I need them to want to make me laugh and smile. I need them listen to me. I need people especially people I am close to and I need them to not leave me. Now as I said I was called needy and though I laugh at it. It still had the reaction of I don't care what that individual thinks because he doesn't know me well enough to know if it is true or not. I won't let him in and I won't let me need him in anyway because he is not that trust worthy (at least for me not in general).

Just because he has no right to judge doesn't mean I haven't taken the opportunity to think about whether I am needy or not. And it is something I thought about. Then I thought about why would it matter. Because what is the problem with needing other people. We put such a horrible connotation on being needy. But at the basic level is that you need validation, acceptance, and some of your needs meet by other people. This is true for everyone. EVERYONE IS NEEDY. We have turned the word needy into a picture of a sniveling, whiney girl who is immature, selfish, and downright annoying because everything is always about her and she is always drama. But that isn't what the word really means it is just the association we know make with the word. I have my days where I am a mess and I am all over the emotional map but my TRUE friends will deal with it and help me survive the rollercoaster till I can coast again and then you know what happens sometime later they are the ones who are an emotional mess and I am the rock they anchor to so that they can weather the storm. That is what being a friend is about helping people pick up the messes, weather the storms, and have them help you in return. No hopefully between the two of you you aren't always in a storm and you have some fun times but you get the picture. Overall, I am very stable. I am not up and down on a daily basis and I stay pretty content. I have my times....specifically the last two weeks but once I am done moving and the first week of school is over things will settle down for me and I can even out.

So after all this thinking I have to say. YES I AM NEEDY!!! So what? I need people and in return I am needed by people. I am not ashamed because I am nowhere close the the steroetypical image or connotation of a needy girl instead I am human and have needs that I have to fill and use other people to fill. I have to say that those who are close to me are troopers and show me everyday why I trust them and open up to them completely with all of my needs (K-dubs, MuellaChica, Roomie (I want you, I need you, O baby O baby). And to those who cannot deal with the fact I am human. That is okay others will come along and fill your spot but we can still be buddies that have fun together.

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